Here i am, with the tail between my legs... a little older, a little wiser.... maybe.

and again... all screwy up in the head with enough time to log in here and ramble on.

so what is this time? well, i'm pretty sure that my hormones have something to do with this. It right before my period and i swear i go through most of this shit during this period.

Im curious... men dont get this, right? their hormones don't go up and down like its a goddam race, do they? no wonder they have time to be up on top all the time... where are their crazies? no fair!

but anyways, back to my own can of worms! i am down because somebody pointed out my shortcomings. Because somebody discovered something i knew a long time ago, thought i could fool everyone and squeeze through... but she found it, threw it in my face and i crumbled. So now i am feeling a combination of anger, self-pity, weird detachment from everything, and kinda sorta a bit of self destruction. why is that? lets sit down and analyze this... rationalize my way out of this.

help me...

uum.... i'm completely blank. i need someone right now to praise me enough to get me back on track. i am not able to figure out what is good in me, what will cancel out the dissapointment created by this incident.

i keep thinking of the bands of light in Vonnegut's books. I am just a band of light, just like everyone else is... all this is just crap, made-up stuff, fake, a badly played play... why bleed your heart over this?

no fun.