i guess i found a second wind: i realize this low energy i have, this tiredness of everything and everyone comes from... zbuciumarea asta in care sunt constant, anxietatea care o am cu fiecare interactiune. miile de intrebari pe care mi le tot pun, criticiile pe care mi le aplic. am nevoie de o carja. un prieten mi-a spus la un moment dat ca a fi in dragoste inseamna ca partenerul devine carja ta... ca nu poti sa mai mergi, sa te misti, sa fi complet fara persoana respectiva. mi s-a parut o explicatie asa de simpla. eh, eu schiopatez ceva de groaza, am nevoie de un tampon, someone to be between my harsh and critical mind and myself, to protect me from those sharp claws. someone i can strive to make proud, and happy. but i keep telling myself that before that happens i need to decide what i want out of a relationship, otherwise i just going in ready to please the other person without realizing i am hurting myself. but how can i do that, if by myself i am hurting myself already. i don't know how to keep myself happy because i don't know what i want - so i keep swimming in shallow waters, feeling like i'm drowning.