It's funny. I started this blog in complete anonymity. Obsessively I hid everything that could point to my real identity. I was scared that any of the people that knew me would truly know what I think and/or feel. It makes perfect sense, doesn't it?
I would analyze my life as objectively or subjectively as possible with only myself as the only spectator. The random reader was taken out of the equation. It is a very accurate description of who I was a couple of years ago - a lone wonderer, afraid of my own insides. I remember thinking that there really isn't anyone out there that knows who I truly am. what I don't remember is whether it was anguish that I was feeling or pride at being so damn padded and protected.
Slowly and sometimes painfully I discovered that not to be the way. The world does not allow you to walk alone. It trips you, it pulls you, it shoves you and unless you have someone to hold you and bring you back on the road you get hurt and eventually lost.
I keep trying to pinpoint what was it that made me think this solitude is the way to go. Was it the fear of opening up and having someone trample on everything that is you? Having someone laugh at you, pity you or worst of all ignore you? I never want to admit to myself - those long years of middle school and high school living with the paranoia that everyone knows my clothes are borrowed, that my backpack is cheap... they are all laughing at me, pitying me or worst of all ignoring me. Is that the core of all this mess? Does it go deeper? Does it stem from the scare of getting a quick beating if I do something stupid when I was a kid, getting the ruler over open palms ten times if my handwriting was sloppy? Was it this fear that made me loose trust in people? Hmm... see, I don't think so, because I don't really remember all the times I got my ass whopped or my palms red because of that ruler. Does that mean it didn't affect me much or that my subconscious is really good at hiding what I don’t wanna remember?
Where is the therapist when you need one? M. can I please be your first patient once you start practice? I think i'm a handful....
Anyway, times-a-changin'... I've had the recognition of some great people, and slowly I've come to realize that what's inside may not be so bad, or rude or insincere, or wrong. Also the bearer of this new polished soul is much stronger and able to take a hit or two. And that's because I have someone to bring me back on the road (darling you know who you are! all my love for being my road guardian!)
Getting a little too mushy? Yeah I'm getting a little too tired so things are starting to sound all the same.... here's a really cool site to reward you for sticking by (leave it to the Canadians to keep you soft). It is called a softer world and their archive is an awesome, psychedelic trip worth taking.

Once again cheers to the new found friends that have changed the way I look at blogs forever! Go Kopi groupies!!

uuh... isn't the profile picture cute? my mommy is awesome!

sleepy hugs to everyone! and honey sweet dreams!